Grandma got run over by Obama
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
She'd been seeing Doc quite often
For her heart and lumbago
But one day she got a letter
Saying "sacrifice yourself; it's time to go"
They found her DOA that mornin'
At the scene of the attack
"Rejected" stamped upon her forehead
And an incriminatin' O upon her back
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
Now we're all so proud of Grandpa
They don't have him on the run
See him in there watchin' NASCAR
And clinging bitterly to God and guns
It's just not the same without Grandma
She was too young to be whacked
Only 70 on her next birthday
But too old according to The One's contract
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
Now the funeral is over
And the family's steeped in gloom
And now ACORN's at the front door
Taking stock of Grandpa's empty extra room
I've warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for your health
We should never have elected
A man whose main concern is spreading wealth
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe!
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
She'd been seeing Doc quite often
For her heart and lumbago
But one day she got a letter
Saying "sacrifice yourself; it's time to go"
They found her DOA that mornin'
At the scene of the attack
"Rejected" stamped upon her forehead
And an incriminatin' O upon her back
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
Now we're all so proud of Grandpa
They don't have him on the run
See him in there watchin' NASCAR
And clinging bitterly to God and guns
It's just not the same without Grandma
She was too young to be whacked
Only 70 on her next birthday
But too old according to The One's contract
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
Now the funeral is over
And the family's steeped in gloom
And now ACORN's at the front door
Taking stock of Grandpa's empty extra room
I've warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for your health
We should never have elected
A man whose main concern is spreading wealth
Grandma got run over by Obama
Walking to the doctor's without leave
You can say there's no such thing as rationing
But as for me and Grandpa we believe!
The Economics Professor - Socialism
An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F. The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. Could not be any simpler than that.
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagen you can find. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republican the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagen you can find. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republican the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Divorce Agreement
Divorce agreement:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the
late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many
years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship
has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
way. Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We
don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to
the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys,
hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N..
but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to
Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty
your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,
our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded
liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the
late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many
years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship
has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
way. Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We
don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to
the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys,
hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N..
but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to
Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty
your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,
our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded
liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Baracky Road
Ben and Jerry's is coming out with a new ice cream flavor in honor of the
new president. It is being appropriately named Baracky Road--half chocolate
and half vanilla, surrounded by fruits and nuts.
new president. It is being appropriately named Baracky Road--half chocolate
and half vanilla, surrounded by fruits and nuts.
Christmas Party Memo
GCF: Christmas Party Memo
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's
Open Pit Barbecue.
No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday
Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating
Kwanzaa at this time.
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. We're not
trying to exclude anyone, honest! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that the party occurs
during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and
drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we
can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party -- the days are so short
this time of year or else package everything for take-home in little
foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice... what do you expect me to
do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit
the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping"
employees, but we'll try to accommodate your drumming circle during
the band's breaks. Okay???
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress
up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to
be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a
red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or
family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up for a minute?
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarians! ?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or
not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of
death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your salad bar,
including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings,
too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream,
I'm hearing them scream right now!
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your
cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's
Open Pit Barbecue.
No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday
Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating
Kwanzaa at this time.
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. We're not
trying to exclude anyone, honest! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that the party occurs
during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and
drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we
can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party -- the days are so short
this time of year or else package everything for take-home in little
foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice... what do you expect me to
do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit
the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping"
employees, but we'll try to accommodate your drumming circle during
the band's breaks. Okay???
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress
up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to
be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a
red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or
family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up for a minute?
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarians! ?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or
not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of
death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your salad bar,
including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings,
too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream,
I'm hearing them scream right now!
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =
FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your
cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.
=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-= -
Election Forgiveness
The rest of the world cannot understand how after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can return to reality. For Instance Sarah Palin has invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.
She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.
What a gal, that Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything.
She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.
What a gal, that Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything.
Attention all Employees:
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As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All sales people will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.
Obama Fan
A teacher in Philadelphia, PA asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republi can, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republi can, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
World's Shortest Books
WORLD'S SHORTEST BOOKS
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
AND
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_______________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
__________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH TELEPHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
_________________________________________
DRINKING
AND
DRIVING OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF PERSONAL MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
_______________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
by Nancy Pelosi
___________________________________
My Accomplishments in Congress
by Barack Obama
________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
AND
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_______________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
__________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH TELEPHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
_________________________________________
DRINKING
AND
DRIVING OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF PERSONAL MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
_______________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
by Nancy Pelosi
___________________________________
My Accomplishments in Congress
by Barack Obama
________________________________________
Difference Between a Democrat & Republican
Father/Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so
many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher
taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and
she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and
let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was
taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which
left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She
didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college
friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?'
She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her father then asked his daughter,'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily
fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, and how would that be fair! I've worked
really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of
hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played
while I worked my tail off!'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gentl 'Welcome to the Republican party.'
If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between
Republicans and Democrats, I'm all ears.
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so
many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher
taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and
she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and
let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was
taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which
left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She
didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college
friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?'
She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her father then asked his daughter,'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily
fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, and how would that be fair! I've worked
really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of
hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played
while I worked my tail off!'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gentl 'Welcome to the Republican party.'
If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between
Republicans and Democrats, I'm all ears.
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